What is on your mind?

I have read Amanda's and Kenz's posts today about how we actually feel about ourselves. Kenz's thoughts totally reflect my present mind condition. I feel like I am back to the beginning, like I weigh 93 kg again. I don't, I know that, as this morning I weighed in and it showed 76,2 kg, which means 1,2 kg gain. So not a lot, but still I feel like then... miserable? So I made the conclusion all these weird feelings are because of not keeping to the plan. When eating right and exercising I really feel better about myself. So probably that's just my conscience doesn't let me eat all the crap (sometimes it let, but after that I feel double depressed).
It is amiss that we think about beautiful as about thin. So when the skinny anorexic girl looks in the mirror, she sees she is not beautiful and the only way to become one - lose more weight. If she understood beauty is equal to health, she would get better.
When talking about health... I've started care more about my health. I stopped drinking coffee, as caffeine hurts stomach (plus my teeth looks better without coffee), I have never been smoking and now I see the bad influence of cigarettes on my friends - skin and teeth don't look that good. I've been drinking more water, less juice (unnatural fruit juice) or soda, absolutely no Cola, Pepsi or similar. I don't remember my last visit to McDonalds or other fast-food restaurant (ok, I do... it was year and a half ago), and such food doesn't tempt me at all (after seeing 'Double size me' I feel sick even thinking about it), though I can't resist pizza and pasta (I eat one of them once a month). I don't use sugar anythere, even baking - Splenda (artificial sweetener) is perfect for that. Ok, maybe enough to boast about me being a good girl as I am not. I still weigh 15 kg more than I would prefer. I try eat better and everything but sometimes I have major binges. Then I eat everything I can find, don't bother if that's vegetables or cookies. So I don't buy anything unhealthy. But the world isn't that perfect. Guests come and bring chocolate, ice cream etc, visiting parents is not good either - a lot of bad carbs, no exercise. So that's how I don't manage to lose those kg.
Thank you, girls, for comments on my hair. Idea of dying it dark brown really seems tempting. However my Mom freaked out when I told her. Ok, so I am not doing this. I am afraid I will look like dead, as my skin is really pale. Plus dark hair makes you look old. But I am still considering the idea :) maybe in August (that means in summer) ...
So my parents got back from Thailand. They look soooo brown :D And are really happy... at least was till the morning, when had to get up early to go to work :) And could you believe, they have already started planning next holidays. Seems they like their work as much as I like school :) So in July we will be flying to Iceland. It would be better Italy... But the world isn't perfect :) So couple photos of presents I got from Thailand:
Fake Louis Vuitton bag - I love it. Sure, it is fake, but I don't pretend it is real, I don't need such kind real bags :) BTW I am not going to carry (wear?) this bag until I am 74 kg . Blackmail ;)Louis Vuitton pendant :D my parents somehow know just this one designer :D and the pendant is not that big... in the photo it looks huge :)Silver earrings and ring with my stone - Moon stone (not sure if it is called like that in English)
Ok, so there were more gifts, like sweets (huh, sweets...), drinks... :D just I am not sure where they gone :D

Have fun ;)

Me greets the world

I am doing that again - not posting. Oh, that's nothing new. So what was I doing during my absence? Nothing worthy telling. I know one thing I wasn't doing - not living healthy, including food and exercise. It's already becoming a pattern... And still I am not ready to start over :) I am tired of starting again and again :(
So my parents are still in Thailand. I mentioned before, they were thinking of visiting this country. On the 16th of February they went on holiday and departed from Dusseldorf (Germany) to Bangkok. And they are due to get back on the 11th of March :) My 16 year old brother are home alone. So you can imagine what actually he does day after day. Well, certainly not homework :) As on weekendsI get back home from Vilnius there are always many people, mostly his girls-friends (not girlfriends :) ) So when I am at home, I do the laundry, shopping for food for my 88 year old grandma, tidy up the rooms, cook for brother etc. Our parents call us almost everyday, ask if everything is alright, tell smth about their journey but still the call is too short and I miss them a lot. Minute of call from Thailand costs about 2 USD, so now probably the bill for mobile phone will be about 300 USD. At least not I have to pay for it :)
I thought maybe you'd be interested to see some photos, so here they are: 23rd of January. That's my parents home. I am ready to go to cosmetologist :)An old photo... Maybe December. At home :)
My car :D yeah, a bit dirty, but I am not going to wash it in such cold. Look, how clever I am - I sweep the snow only around my car - to prevent feets getting wet :) and the rest of the yard... who cares, I am not going anythere on foot :)Yesterday. I am still in my pyjamas and robe :D Lazy Sunday morning.

Have one question. What should I do about my hair? I hate them (or it?). Can you say what colour thay are? I can't. Well, except that is my natural colour.
Any hair-cut suggestions? I am bored with them :(
Ok, leaving now for a school... not very desirable periods ;)