Video

I thought I'd try Blogger video upload, so here I am. This video is from Iceland. Sorry, I know quality is super bad, because of the sunlight, but this is probably the only video file I have :D You can see steam, cause the water is about 80 C. Hm, hot... :)

Dreams and Reality

Time spent wishing is time wasted. True or false?
I was watching Scrubs (ironic series about young doctors) old seasons and there was this quote about wishes. So, really? So now I must stop dreaming and wishing? On the other hand you can dream but you have to do something to make that dream come true. Without actions it is pointless to dream or wish, I guess.
I hate to see reality, isn't it better to live without actually seeing what's going on with the world? I almost stopped reading newspapers, cause everytime I try to do that, there are always sad stories, cruel stories, somebody was killed, something stolen, articles about economy collapsing and members of parlament expressing their opinion on the things they actually know nothing and so on and so on. I am tired. How about that recent event in Finland where boy killed his classmates (I didn't managed to read whole story)? How about that writers strike in LA? I was always sceptic about people saying that their life dream/aim/wish is the peace in the world. Well, now I really want this to happen, I want everyone live in peace with each other, no more iraqs, no more cold wars, no more starving people or battered wives and children. Please stop everyting. And that's not because I am very good, kind person, it's because I want to live between good people, stop worrying about others' problems and start taking care of my own.
Ok, no more existential talk. Have a good weekend.

Summer photos

This summer brought me some great experiences:

Trip to Iceland (ten days in July):
1. I and my brother on the roof of Perlan, in Reykjavik. It was windy, but relatively warm weather. Sun was shining and the water was amazingly blue. If you look better, you could probably see the tower of Hallgrimskirkja church.
2. And that's me in front of huge metal fishbone, in Reykjavik. Great view here, but again really windy.3. Jökulsárlón Glacial Lagoon (at least I hope it is called so). This place is also called Ice Factory, because here the main glacier splits and small parts of it emerge to the ocean. It was bloody cold and the cup of hot tea didn't helped. There two James Bond movies had been made. I know, I look absolutely awful, but it was drizzling and I was all wet and cold.
4. On the Ring Road. We are heading back to Reykjavik. Between the mountains it is always misty.5. In the background you can see Mt. Hekla, the infamous active volcano (the one with ice cape). The black thing everywhere you can see is lava. And of course my brother and I. This is the closest we could get to the volcano. In this area there are no roads so you have to drive blindly. Felt like in the old stories about cowboys galloping through prairies, especially after we drove through the river with our poor Skoda Octavia.
6. On the top of the world. Ok, it's actually Landmannalaugar valley down there. I am in the beggining of 12 km hiking track. Beautiful view. In the valley there is a campsite and a hot spring.

7. I suppose this is Gjain gorge. We got there accidentally (or not), so I don't actually know what place is it, just the fact that it is close to the Stöng farm. This place looks like Icelandic Grand Canyon.8. Gullfoss and the rainbow. This is the most beautiful waterfall of Iceland - The Golden fall. You probably can't see, but behind the rainbow there are people walking. Got there too... A very wet experience.
9. The toy-puffin and I outside the souvenir shop in Reykjavik. This bird is unofficial symbol of Iceland. People from all over the world come here to see these little birds. (We've been reffering to them as "pufik", which in Russian means pouffe... now it doesn't seem very funny).
10. Snaefells Peninsula, somewhere near Svörtuloft lighthouse, which is western end of the Snaefells Peninsula. I know I look dorky, but it was so cold I had to put my Dad's jacket.

11. On the top of Glymur, which is the highest waterfall in Iceland - approximately 200 meters high. You can't see the waterfall because as I said - I am on the top of it. Silly me thought from there I would see it better. To get to this spot, we had to climb for about an hour and a half. And there are no tracks. My brother was taking a picture of me too, hence the look to other side.12. Again near the Glymur waterfall, I and my brother. Great view, horrible me.

All in all, Iceland is wonderful for its nature. This is the only place you can see so different elements next to each other: ice and fire(volcano). I am definitely getting back there.

One more photo from my Dad's birthday (1st September).Others to come. I left all the photos at my parents, so can't post them right now.

The End.

Currently listening to: Alicia Keys - Lesson Learned.

Today

So Vita, tell me, what do you have for me today? How do you feel? Do you fear, cause tomorrow you'll have to take a huge test and you haven't studied at all? Do you feel guilty, cause you haven't done any work at all? Do you blame yourself for all these excuses you made not to meet with your friends? Hm, no... Not at all. You don't feel anything. What's wrong with you? No fear, no guilt, any wishes or dreams. What's happened? I don't care that now it's autumn, I don't care that you gained bunch of weight, I don't care that you're lazy/ugly/stupid. You have to get up and start doing smth. Summer is over long ago. How do you expect to live your life happily if you're behaving like that? Nobody likes miserable people so you'd better stop acting like one, ok? Do we agree on that? Good... No, really, don't you even think about fooling me. It's no joke anymore, got it? Great. I am waiting for some progress.
Your brain.

In the middle of...

Well, I am still alive. Just not posting, not eating well, not exercising. But I am doing anything else. Like living. Maybe later someday I will post about my summer (aka June-August), which was not very exciting. Just couple trips and a lot of laziness. I am still the same, nothing new to report. Still no kids, no husband :D
As you can see, I am back to the magic 78 kg zone... Probably I am cursed. Poor the 78' girl :D Yesterday I was asking myself, what I am doing wrong. I still don't know. Just one thing - I don't respect myself. I have never realised before, what actually means to respect yourself. So does anybody know what I should do to learn how to respect myself? I am considering seeing the therapist. Maybe s/he could say what the respect is.

I've started reading John Grisham. So I am gonna post the names of the books, I've read. Well, for myself, as I have poor memory and usualy forget the titles :)

• The Client. A little boy sees the suicide of the lawyer, who before his death manages to tell the boy where the body of killed senator is hidden. Now the boy is in danger, cause he knows a secret, which can imprison one mafioso, who doesn't want to go to the prison. (LT)
• The Rainmaker. Young lawyer gets a huge case, which can make him a lot of money or can show the truth to the world. He must choose: money or truth. Will the insurance company take the blame for the death of young man? (LT)
  
• The Street Lawyer. One day a lawyer is taken hostage by a homeless man. The homeless is killed by the police. The lawyer is interested in the story under this whole hostages situation and starts researching. Finally he understands that all the time he was on the wrong side and begins working for the homeless. (EN)
• The Brethren. Story is divided into two parts: one is about three imprisoned ex judges who from the prison blackmail gays and the other is about successful senator running for the president of the States. Finally, these two stories collide. (LT)
  
• The King of Torts. Lawyer, who works for the state as the prosecutor drops this job and starts working privately as the torts lawyer. His first case is not morally right, but well-paid and profitable. He starts taking more and more torts and then loose everything. (LT)
• The Broker. Ex broker, very powerful man, now is prisoner. But he is realised from the prison and becomes an open target. He knows a secret and the government of the USA puts him in the safe-house in the Italy. I just love all these stories about Italy, Bologna. (LT)
• The Innocent Man. I am reading this book now. It is real life story about an innocent man who was sentenced for the death of young girl just because the police and the court needed someone to blame. (EN)

That's it :)

Is it just one big lie?

I have been lying to myself my whole life. Sometimes it was a simple little lie - like I am not fat (or I didn't gain weight), it is just this skirt/pants/mirror. Sometimes I had been telling myself things, which were not true at all, like "that boy absolutely likes you" (when he actualy didn't even noticed me). I hate lying, even it doesn't hurt anyone, just me. I hate being hurt. The biggest lie? Well, you were right, Brooke, when once said that after losing weight nothing changed. You remain the same person. I have been telling myself that if I were slimmer, I would have more friends, everybody would love me and boys would start noticing me and like me much more. That's a huge nonsense. Nothing would change. I will remain the same old girl with the same old insecurities. I have finally realised that. I am not happy about that at all. I am almost crying. I will always be the same. I can't blame my weight, I must blame myself. Whole story under all this realisation thing: last Thursday it was my friend's birthday, so she invited us to a small picnic on the bank of lake. There were 8 of us: 4 boys and 4 girls. So there I've met a girl, wonderful, charming, chatty - she is a friend of that birthday girl. So this charming girl is like 1.75 m height and weighs probably about 120 kg. I mean, she is big. But she is so amazing, have no fears at all. Plus she gets a lot of boys attention. So... that's what wrong with me - I am not like her. I am totally different. And still... I hate such kind of thoughts, I hate thinking about meaning of the life. Somebody, tell me I am not right, I beg you. That I will be different after losing those extra kgs. Thing is, I am not that scary looking, I am sociable and friendly, always ready to help. I am quite clever. I am interested in a lot of things, so I can talk about every topic. I am not that kind of too much girlish girls, I can talk about sports, music, political affairs, actions or horror movies. So how come she has a bf and I don't?

Sorry for this stupid thoughts. The main thing, I wanted to say, probably is "Why the hell you still love this girl, who just tease you, why don't you pay attention to me?". That's for the boy, I mentioned several posts before. Stupid stupid life.

In June my exams are due. I have already passed four, so two still left - enviroment law and international law. Today had a criminal law exam. After that with the friends from university drove to nice little village on the bank of lake. Then with a girl-friend visited some shops and in the cinema theatre watched movie, called The Number 23. I found it a bit too unreal, too much "unexpected" signs. Oh, well, at least I have seen comic Jim Carey in his new amplua. I really liked his acting. After the movie, went to an interview about investments, if I am going to start saving money for my retirement or not, advantages of saving. Felt kinda old :D Funny. So now it is almost 10 PM, I am watching news on TV and after that show House, M.D.

Have a good night, good morning, day, week, LIFE ;)

"I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life... Am I living it right..." (John Mayer, "Why Georgia")

Obsessions

That's not a bad kind of obsessions. No, I am going to talk about a good kind of obsessions - these, similar to hobbies. Well, I am actually going to talk about hobbies :D
In the childhood parents, teachers, neighbours etc. were telling me to find an obsession, aka hobby. When meeting new children, I was always asked what my hobby was. I didn't know what to answer. I liked reading - I constantly lived in the books - had read whole home library, even love-stories (not just classical ones, all of them), but at that time it was unusual to call books a hobby. It should have been a hobby, where you communicate with others - dancing, swimming, riding a horse, etc. For one year I had been dancing, then playing a flute, then acting and doing other obligatory things. I didn't like anything. Well, that's just me. So times have changed, I have grown up, and still don't have a hobby. Sad... or not. I still like reading, especialy crime fiction, Agatha Christie, John Grisham, Alexandra Marinina, Darja Doncova etc. But I still don't think this is a hobby.
Yesterday I was talking with a friend, who is huge John Mayer (famous American musician-songs writer) fan. So we were talking about his obsession with this particuliar musician - he has every song, John Mayer has ever performed, every video, John Mayer has been in. That boy knows every detail about Mayer. One phrase, the boy told was a bit scary - "John Mayer, his songs, searching for them online, are a part of my live". How could somebody else, a celebrity, musician, his life to be a part of your life?? So, probably we should call it an obsession. But actually, it is just a hobby. Every hobby is part of your life, doesn't matter what it is, dancing, golf or music. And then I thought, weight loss is a part of my life too. A huge part. And that's bad. If that was a healthy lifestyle or a health, would be ok, but I am always concerned about my weight, always thinking how to lose, searching for some drastic diets. Weight loss is my hobby. That's sad, even sadder than reading. Help! I need a new hobby :D
So that's all for today. BTW, John Mayer is really good at what he is doing - 4 grammys can confirm that. Listen to some of his songs, if don't know him: Waiting on the world to change, Gravity , Slow dancing in a burning room, Daughters etc. Well, actually, now I am a bit obsessed with him myself. :D